Anyone who claims the country does not have any surprises has never walked in on two mourning doves having sexual intercourse. I witnessed the frenzied scene the other morning when I went out to replenish the bird feeders.
First, they rubbed their beaks together like they were trying to make fire, before one repeatedly attempted to mount the other, falling off each time. The love birds fled at the sound of my gasp.
Prior to this, I had assumed that mourning doves generated randomly out of some ripple in reality. It’s the only way to explain how two of them appear one day and twenty the next.
We are currently between heatwaves here in the country, so now, I suppose, is the time for the mourning doves to conduct their business. Trying to pull off such acrobatics in temperatures flirting with 100℉ can only end in shame. I just hope the males doves don’t expect me to mix aphrodisiacs in with their food.
A Snub
Late last week, it occurred to me that a great way to advertise Country Topics is to insert it into various Wikipedia pages. After saying a few vaguely complimentary things about Boris Johnson a couple weeks ago, I decided to list this fair publication amongst the publications that have endorsed his candidacy for the leadership of the Conservative Party.
For a time, visitors to the “Endorsements in the 2019 Conservative Party (UK) leadership election” Wikipedia page saw the following:
This was, of course, until some ne'er-do-well came along undid it:
According to “Amberrock,” Country Topics is a “non notable publication.” Now, I regard “Amberrock” as a non-notable Wikipedia user, but this is beside the point. Without getting bogged down in high philosophical questions about what constitutes a “notable publication,” I will say this: We see yet another example of discrimination against rural folk. This may be the only form of bigotry widely accepted in the world today.
An endorsement from Country Topics may do nothing to help or to hinder Mr. Johnson’s candidacy, but when was the last time you heard someone cite the Evening Standard as an authority on anything? It would be interesting to survey Conservatives and ask them what influenced them to vote for Mr. Johnson or his opponent, Jermey Hunt. Among the options should be, “X newspaper told me to do it.” If less than one per cert of those surveyed cites a newspaper as their reason for voting one way or another, I pray “Amberrock” will purge them from Wikipedia for being a “non notable publication.”
On a happier note, my retroactive endorsement of William McKinley’s reelection remains untouched:
The Snowball Effect
A parrot has received widespread praise for his dancing. Snowball the parrot is said to have mastered fourteen different dance moves. Scientists say Snowball’s dancing may explain why we humans like to dance when we hear music.
This “head-banging cockatoo” may well dance for the same reasons we do, but anyone who has ever seen a bird do anything knows they tend to do most everything for the same reasons we do. Tomorrow, we may well see the headline: “Does This Cardinal’s Song Explain Why Humans Talk?” Here again, science states the obvious, using poor Snowball as a pawn.
An Update
I have received several hundred emails and a couple thousand “tweets” from Country Topics readers asking for an update on the goat I mentioned in last week’s newsletter.
Ina Cawl, Country Topic’s man in Somalia, tells me the goat is doing well and, as a precaution, has been given medication for rabies. If I hear more, you will be the first to know.
Programming Note: Country Topics is going on holiday. The next edition will appear July 23, 2019, at 4 p.m. EST.